Super Awesome Epic Crossover
by Orange Acrylic Paint
Summary: "The name's Megatron. Don't wear it out! About me? Gawrsh. Well to start with I'm evil. Many failed attempts at killing my brother Optimus Prime have landed me living in my mothers Basement. You also may know my as SexKitten on eHarmony..." Collab Fic...
1. Chapter 1

_**Alright everybody~ this is the craziest crossover you're ever going to read, so be prepared. it has over 30 different fandoms in it, and it actually has a storyline, even though its crack! ...So be prepared...**_

**_This is a collab fic with Rabies Kitten and myself, Pancake of Epic Proportions~ but for these purposes we're just gonna call her Jessica, and myself Kristen...just for the sake of our usernames being to long or failish(Jessica's )_**

**_Jessica: Well, now that we're done bashing my stooopid username, let's get down to business. _**

**_Kristen: What business you may ask?_**

**_Jessica: Well the business of how this all started... and what's in it... and why we're even doing this in the first place. It all started last night at 1 o'clock in the morning in the basement at Kristen's house. *flashback* _**

_**Kristen: Weelll...I don't think we have to do that, buuut... we were half dead, and trying to stay awake, so it made retarded things... the end...**_

_**Okay, so we don't own anything in this fanfiction, because y'know, no one on this site owns anything they write about...**_

_**The fandoms that are going to be featured in this multi-chaptered mind fuck fic are; Teletubbies, Transformers, Hetalia, Bleach, Harry Potter, Michael Jackson, Naruto, Pokemon, Final Fantasy, Dora the Explorer/ Go Diego Go, Disney, Katekyo Hitman Reborn, Barney, Twilight, Dragon Ball Z, Sesame Street/ Muppets, PedoBear, , Narnia, Mario, Sonic, Sailor Moon, Jesus, Yu-Gi-Oh, The young and the Restless, Chuck Norris, D. Grey-Man, Maximum Ride, Ouran Host Club, Strong Bad, and some marvel references~**_

_**Enjoy~**_

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**It all Started With Accidentally Dialing a 4 Instead of a 5 (the prologue/ how it all began)**

"All right, all right mom, I'll call grandma to wish her a happy birthday!" It was a regular day for Megatron, sitting/living in his mother's basement. He lifted his finger to dial the number he knew by heart. His aunt had bought him the newest cell phone, it's small size was astounding, and as he was dialing, the phone crunched underneath his gargantuan finger. 268-368 - 4! Megatron didn't realize his mistake as the phone started ringing, and his armpit oozed as he waited.

"Hello~" A high pitched voice, that sounded dark skinned, yet flamboyant, answered. He thought to himself, it must be one of grandma's boyfriends, who are all 70-80 years younger than she is.

"Uhh…. Is Marge there?" There was an awkward pause on the other end of the line.

"There's no one named Marge here, you have the wrong number… buuut~… I have been feeling a tad neglected lately, why don't we chat. My name's Dipsy, the Teletubby that fills the racial quota."

"….Okay?" Another awkward silence ensued, and Dipsy cleared his throat on the other end.

"Well, tell me about yourself… uhh…?"

"The name's Megatron. Don't wear it out. About me? Gawrsh! Well, to start with, I'm evil. Many failed attempts at killing my brother Optimus Prime has landed me living in my mother's basement. You may also know me as SexKitten on eHarmony…. Now what about you?" He crossed his legs and rested his cheek on his palm, in a very homosexual manner.

A squeal was heard from Dipsy as he held up his end of the conversation. "OMG, You have eHarmony too? Such a small world! Now about myself…. I'm a Virgo, and I absolutely adore chocolate milk…. And babies. My life has kinda been sucking recently. It's like a black abyss. The baby in the sun near my apartment complex hates me, and the T.V on my stomach doesn't work, it only broadcasts static and gay porn… not that I mind the Porn…. Cause you know, it's great. And to top it all off, I was only hired to fill the racial quota! The other teletubbies harass me! I mean c'mon! That bastard Tinky Winky has a pink purse for god's sakes, and he's a MAN! Sometimes I just wish I could kill everybody. I'd eat their flesh! …. FUUUUCK! Now there's a spider on my tubbytoast!"

Megatron hears a plate smash as Dipsy launches it across the room. So he wants to kill everybody? Sounds like my kinda person… but the flesh eating part is a bit strange…..

As he hears the phone being picked back up, he offers a life altering suggestion.

"Yanno, I think I could help you with that problem of yours. You see, I'm a giant robot talking on a tiny cell phone. Anyways, we should meet up at Starbucks or something, do you know where Pallet Town is? I heard it's a metropolis of different people, so we'd fit right in!"

Dipsy thinks for a minute. "I know where that is, and as long as you don't molest me, and you pay… yeah I guess I could meet you there. How about when the sun is forty degrees in the eastern sky? Be there."

Dipsy slammed the phone down on the receiver, effectively ending their conversation, leaving Megatron sitting on his couch, plotting world domination, his grandma's birthday completely forgotten.

Nobody seemed to notice the radioactive glow that the forgotten tubbytoast was emitting, because that spider wasn't a normal spider, it was a SPIDERMAN SPIDER!

**~~~~~~~~~69~~~~~~~~69~~~~~~~~~~~69~~~~~~~~~~~69~~~~~~~~~**

The next day Megatron awoke bright and early to meet Dipsy at their designated meeting place. Besides being able to help him kill everybody, he could also probably fix the T.V on his stomach. He was a giant robot after all. Annnnnd, he wanted to see that gay porn. Not because he was gay…. He was just curious… He pulled his favorite tie out of his closet and fixed it around his neck, he wanted to make a lasting impression. Standing in front of his basement bathroom's mirror, he oiled his grill, and greased his hinges.

"BWAHAHAHAH! I'll finally have what I need to take over the world!" He fist pumped like Jersey Shore itself, and a squelch notified him that his oozing armpit had leaked ooze all over his tie.

"Shitshitshitshitshit!" He cursed his faulty body and clunked to his room to find a new tie. By the time he left the sun was at 37 degrees in the eastern sky. He was going to be late. He transformed into a jet, and tried to take off, but before he could, the engine that oozed on his tie from his armpit, blew out, and he was left with public transportation. The bus stop was at least a 20 minute walk from his house, so he set off, shielding his eyes from the sun, which clearly read 38.5 degrees in the eastern sky.

After he waited about seventeen minutes and twenty four seconds for the bus, he ended up having to sit next to a homeless guy that smelled like he hadn't showered since the last solar eclipse. He was vaguely reminded of Dumbledore, but shook his head at the thought. Dumbledore was dead, just like Elvis. He got a creepy feeling that maybe Elvis wasn't dead after all. But then he realized, he would live on forever through rock and roll. He sat silently, watching the scenery change from tall skyscrapers and metallic things that looked like dildos, to the quiet countryside, and finally to a huge city with many shops and people who looked like they belonged in a renaissance fair. But not only those people, people of all shapes and sizes, including the Asians, were walking the streets… doing strange things. There were no dildo shaped buildings anymore, which was definitely an improvement.

It was different in Pallet Town then it was in Deceptacon Village. All the prostitutes weren't wearing as much clothing, and people of all races, not just robots were allowed to walk the streets. The Mafia was more visibly part of this society, and obviously, so was metrosexuality. He remembered seeing a blond kid, seemingly having a seizure in an orange jumpsuit, screaming that he was a ninja. No one seemed to be trying to get him into a straight jacket, or tazer him so it must be acceptable behavior. He also thought… what kind of ninja wears orange anyways? A dead one….

He disbanded from the bus, and followed the map he had printed from Google maps to his final destination. He tried to ignore the strange people, and he ended up singing himself a little song to keep the heebie jeebies away.

"Sunshine lollipops, rainbows, lemon drops, falling on my head…. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas… I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie wooorld~ Life in plastic, it's fantastic, you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere, imagination, life is your creation, c'mon Barbie, let's go party….."

Before he knew it, he was standing in front of the Starbucks, kneecap to…face, with a very angry looking racial quota filling little green man with a skin colored face.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Well, here's chapter two in the epic epicness that is this fic. We hope you get the Droids referance later on... cause if you don't... Yeah, you need to die. More peeps are introduced in this, and yes just in case you were wondering, the cake IS a lie. I'm not gonna put another disclaimer because... it''s fanfiction... no one owns ANYTHING. We added another fandom to cross over, so for all you Death Note fans out there, it's your lucky day. And if you were wondering if this had a homosexual air to it, it does. We're yaoi fangirls, what do you expect? It's riddled with it, suck it up princess. Well, we hope you have as much fun reading this as we did writing it!_**

**_Enjoy~_**

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**The Not So Average Day of the Utterly Average Canadian**

Sure, Matthew Williams had seen some strange things. Strange men playing chess in the middle of the street, and strange people coming out of strange stores, doing strange things, but NOTHING could have compared to what he was seeing at that very second. He was on his way to where he worked at Tim Horton's, when across the street at the rivaling franchise, he saw a gargantuan robot and a drastically smaller dark skinned Teletubby. They seemed to be upset about the renovation that Starbucks was going through, because his brother Alfred destroyed their fridge while he was working. It was at that moment that he overheard their conversation…..

"You were LATE! The sun was at forty one degrees in the eastern sky, not forty! Are you trying to make me commit suicide? I thought you didn't care about me!" The dark skinned, green Teletubby shouted, because if he didn't, the robot probably wouldn't be able to hear him.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I've been having trouble with my oozing armpit, and it squirted on my tie!"…. Okay, they didn't seem to notice the Starbucks was closed yet. They were just arguing about the robot being late…..

The racial Teletubby pulled the handle to open the door, but… it was locked, Matthew sighed, they didn't even read the sign on the door, which happened to be bright pink. The Teletubby turned to the giant robot, scowling. They stood there scowling at each other for a few minutes and the robot looked like he was going to pound the Teletubby into the ground, not in the sexual way,, mind you.

Since they deemed very distressed, Matthew called out to them from across the street in front of the Timmies. "Uh, excuse me…. But the Starbucks is closed eh! Come over to Tim Horton's, it's fresh, eh!"

They seemed a little surprised… although since they probably didn't notice him, he wasn't offended. After all, almost nobody notices him these days. They started to cross the road after Megatron stepped on an eighteen wheeler with his right foot, they followed Matthew into the Tim Horton's. How Megatron fit… we will never know.

So, after Matthew changed into his uniform, he stood behind the cash register and waited for the robot and the Teletubby to make up their minds about what they wanted to order. He hoped they didn't want Timbits…. Because they truck that was supposed to deliver them was coincidentally crushed by Megatrons foot…

They seemed to have decided, for they both came closer to the register. The robot seemed to be going first.

"What can I get for you today sir?" Matthew asked blinking up at the huge robot, who miraculously fit into the coffee shop.

"Yes, uh…. I'd like a chocolate glazed timbit please." Oh no… the robot asked for the on thing on the menu they didn't have today….

Matthew answered politely, "I'm sorry sir, but we have no chocolate glazed timbits left…"

The robot flinched, and Matthew almost peed his pants.

"I want a FUCKING chocolate glazed TIMBIT!" He slammed his fist on the counter top.

"Megatron, you _fag_, just order something different!" Interjected the Teletubby. The dark faced green man seemed to really be annoyed with the justly named "Megatron".

"Fine! Give me a jelly filled one then!" He rolled his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently.

"Uhm sir..." Matthew started, trying to keep up his calm façade instead of screaming like a girl., "We have none of those left either, actuall-"

Megaton cut him off, his eyes blinking red like he was going to go insane.

"Get me a. God. Damned. TIMBIT!" The puddle at Matthew's feet grew as the jumbo jet robot loomed over him. But before he could be smashed, the green man made his way to the counter and ordered them two coffees with double cream, double sweetener. Matthew obliged and as soon as they paid and turned to sit at their table, he wiggled like a yaoi fan girl and fainted behind the counter, which made his manager trip over him and spill scalding hot coffee all over his face and clothes.

**Tubby P.O.V**

_Well that was a total disaster_… Dipsy thought as they chose a booth at the back to sit in. Megatron had to suck in his girth to sit in the booth, but he didn't seem to mind that much. He was still grumbling about how they didn't have any timbits and how that was stupid. To Dipsy, Megatron seemed like an over glorified robochild. He leaned back in his seat, and sipped his double double. He watched as Megatron fumbled with his coffee cup, tiny in his giant hands, He tried to hole it between his thum and forefinger, but ended up crushing it and spilling it all over his face, short circuiting one of his eyeballs. It crackled, then popped and lazed to the side making him look more than slightly slow.

He swore loudly, and smacked himself in the head, trying to get his eye back to normal…. And failing. Dipsy cleared his throat.

"Now to the task at hand. What was your plan for me?" Megatron stopped whacking himself in the face and started to explain.

"I found this amazing power source, but it will only work on living things…. you know… bio organisms." He stared expectantly at Dipsy, and that's when he realized Megatron wanted HIM to be that "bio organism"

"No way am I doing… whatever you require me doing! Get someone else to be your guinea pig!" He stopped…. Wait a second…. "Actually, I may have just the thing you're looking for!" Dipsy reached into his yellow man purse and pulled put a Tupperware container with what looked like a smiley-faced toast foaming at the mouth, kicking and smashing the wall of its temporary home.

Megatron's mouth opened. "What the FUCK is that thing?"

"Well, you remember yesterday, how there was that spider on my toast? Well, it turns out it was radioactive or something. I found this sonuvabitch glowing this morning, trying to kill me!"

Megatron looked over the mutant Tubbytoast,,

"Meh, I guess that'll do…"

Megatron reached into somewhere indecipherable and pulled out as piece of strawberry short cake with one whole strawberry on top.

"BEHOLD, THE CAKE OF JUSTICE!" It's majesty shone brightly and lit up the store with a warm golden light, that was lost on Matthew as he treated his burns in the back room.

The robot broke off a piece of the cake with his gogo gadget spoon finger thing, and quickly lifted the lid of the container, dropped the piece in, and closed it just as speedy, if not speedier.

The tubbytoast's attention turned to the piece of cake, and it's hollow eyes glinted as it lunged. It's little stick hands grabbed the cake, and gobbled it up like a chicken. It burped and farted loudly, glowed momentarily, and fell over, seemingly dead.

Megatron and Dipsy stared expectantly at it, but as minutes turned to hours, nothing happened.

Suddenly, a man with unbrushed messy black hair with rings under his eyes, and no shoes on, jumped through the Tim Horton's window and onto Megatron and Dipsy's table, dramatically pointing at the cake yelling, "THE CAKE IS A LIE!"

Chained to his left leg, and evil looking Japanese pasty boy with brown hair and brown eyes was pulled in after him. His eyes swirled and he vomited all over Dipsy's man purse/satchel. He righted himself and addressed the guy whose mother never told him not to point.

"L, calm down, these aren't the droids you're looking for." L turned to him and screeched,

"I will not calm down Light, you sonuvabitch!" He had a crazy Texan look in his eyes.

Light lifted an eyebrow. "ORLY? I guess there'll be no _human sundae_ later on tonight then?" L whimpered and jumped off the table, but not before snatching the cake to his chest. The two escaped out the window, Light seemingly happy with his ability to calm L down… his butt was going to hurt something fierce later though….

While all of this was going on, no one seemed to notice the toast float two inches off of the bottom of the container, just like the nightmare on Elm Street. It glowed like a disco ball before it started growing. It was growing so rapidly that eventually it broke out of the container, it grew and grew, just like one of those sponge capsules that grow in water, until eventually it broke out the front of the Timmies, causing thousands of dollars of damage and putting poor Matthew out of a job.

It made a blarg noise as it picked up Dipsy in its giant stick fingers, and started to make its way down Sesame Street, leaving Megatron looking as if he had just seen a tubbytoast expand and break out of a Timmies… actually…. He had. So Megatron was left sitting there, not one piece of cake to his name. He got his just desserts!

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**_BANTER TIME!~_**

**_Jessica: Well, now that that's over with, the real fun can begin. You see that plot that was kind of, not really, shining through here... well say goodbye, it's over now, be ready for some epic crack happening from this point on!_**

**_Kristen: Honhonhon~ Endless destruction and rainbows!~ at least...I hope there is..._**

**_Jessica: I dunno Kristen, maybe you missed the toast glowing rainbow like a disco ball...?_**

**_Kristen: It glowed rainbow...?_**

**_Jessica:... it does now..._**

**_STAY TUNED FOR MORE FUN STUFF, DON'T TOUCH THAT DIAL!_**


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